


Be careful who you screw with

by Coulsonspetwolf



Series: Stories from Annville and beyond [4]
Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prompt Fill, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coulsonspetwolf/pseuds/Coulsonspetwolf
Summary: Cassidy has to deal with the consequences of lying to the wrong people, Tulip is annoyed and Jesse wishes that he had just slept in the car.Prompt fill for: Jessidy "I did a pregnancy test."





	

It had been a long day and all Jesse wanted was to fall into his bed and sleep for like a week. However, when he opened the door to the motel room he shared with Tulip and Cassidy, he knew immediately that he could forget about his plans. Both their voices echoed through the hall as loud and clearly as if there wasn't another wall and a closed door in between. Jesse sighed.

 

“- told you, you shouldn't have screwed her.” Tulip said, her voice a mixture of amusement and pure spite. From the sounds of it, Jesse already knew that they must have been arguing for a while and for a split second he considered to just turn around and sleep in the car.

“Did ye even see her? She was a bloody gorgeous thing. How could I fuckin' not?” Cassidy shouted back. Jesse thought about his options. He was too tired to deal with this. If he left now, he could avoid ever getting involved in their fight. But on the other side: What kind of friend (and what kind of preacher) would he be if he avoided a conflict like that. Wasn't it sort of his job to bring about peace? He sighed loudly.

 

“Only because she is beautiful doesn't mean you had to lie to her to get into her pants and then piss off. Maybe use your brain instead of your dick once in a while!” Jesse had heard enough.

“I didn't hear ye complain about me dick when we -”

 

“What is... Jesus! What the hell?”

Whatever Jesse had expected when he opened the door and entered the bedroom to interrupt their fighting, that was not it.

Tulip sat on the bed, arms crossed defensively over her chest and lips pursed. She looked positively ready to punch Cassidy into oblivion. Cassidy however, was standing in the middle of the room, one hand pressed to his back, the other holding a long, white thing which he pointed at Tulip. This wasn't necessarily such a weird sight to come home to for Jesse. Tulip and Cassidy were always bickering when on their own, sometimes playfully, other times it looked like Tulip was ready to strangle the vampire. What was unusual, though, was the big and round belly Cassidy was sporting. Jesse could only gape.

 

They both turned their heads to him.

“Honey, you're home. I have a _big_ surprise for you,” Cassidy purred in a high pitched voice that was dripping with mockery and sarcasm.

“At least you didn't lose your humor,” Tulip commented dryly. Cassidy gave her a dirty look and opened his mouth for a comeback, but Jesse interrupted.

“ **Shut up**!” he ordered, accidentally slipping into the voice.

 

Cassidy shut his mouth with a pop and frowned at Jesse. He didn't need to be able to read minds to understand what Cassidy was thinking right now. _Traitor._

Jesse could feel a headache building. He wasn't sure what to say first because at the moment it felt like his brain had been freshly fried. “I left you alone for 3 days. What the hell did you do?”

 

They both looked at him as if he was the stupidest person in the world and Jesse knew he would regret this, “ **you may both speak** !” 

 

“He fucked a witch -,” Tulip started. 

“\--in me own defense: I didn't know she was a witch,” Cassidy interjected quickly. Jesse raised his eyebrows and gave Tulip a warning look to stop her from talking. If they kept this up, they would never solve this and he would never be able to get some well deserved rest. But when had Tulip ever listened to him...

 

“Doesn't matter. You told her that you're not the one night guy and that she is special, fucked her and then tried to piss off. She got angry and now look at the mess you're in.”

“I couldn't have known she'd be that pissed.”

“You could start behaving like a DECENT HUMAN!” Tulip barked back and got up. Jesse made a quick step in between them and held up both hands. They both stared at each other with anger and Jesse felt like an animal trainer who had just stepped in between two lions, fighting over a piece of meat.

 

He still tried to wrap his brain around what happened. “And now what...? Y---You're pregnant?”

 

“No, I just had a watermelon strapped permanently to me-self... OF COURSE I AM PREGNANT, YOU DUMBO!” Cassidy snapped and Jesse pouted inwardly. He should have just slept in the car.

“So,” Jesse started again, picking his words carefully, “is it... legit?” He gestured to Cassidy's stomach. 

 

“I did a pregnancy test...”

“Actually he did five,” Tulip chirped in and Jesse made a double take.

“Five? Why?”

The vampire waved defensively with his arms, “Well, ye see.... five is better than one. Just wanted to be sure.”

“Sound logic,” provided Tulip helpfully and Cassidy snapped, “I FREAKED OUT, OKAY?” 

 

Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose. Nearly wistfully he thought about the car seat that he could have been lying in at the moment. Instead he had to deal with a pregnancy and two shouting people. Suddenly the realization trickled through his foggy and tired mind:  _Cassidy was pregnant_ . He felt a bit nauseous. He was not ready to be... what would he be? Not a father, that was for sure. An uncle? Jesus, he would be a terrible whatever for the kid. 

 

Cassidy suddenly went very pale and both his hands flew to his stomach. His voice came out more like a shriek, “it kicked me!”

Tulip cackled, “it's living the dream.”

“Tulip!” two voices echoed through the room, one exasperated and the other sounding very tired.

“Okay enough!” Jesse shouted, thereby interrupting Cassidy's retort. “What now? What is the plan? We can't have that... thing.” He impatiently exchanged looks with both of them. He hoped that they had a solution at hand, even if they had spend most of the time arguing.

 

“Well... we need to find her and we thought that ye talk to her. Yer good with words and shit. It also helps that yer a devilishly handsome bastard,” Cassidy said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Jesse felt a flush creep up his neck, but tried to play down the fact that firstly, Cassidy seemed to think that he was handsome and secondly, that he liked being called handsome by Cassidy. He tried to hide his embarrassment but his answer was rushed and his voice sounded higher than usual. “W-- we-- then we should go.” He turned around and walked back into the hallway, but saw Tulip rolling her eyes before that. _So much as to being not obvious, Custer_ , he thought to himself and cursed.

 

He held open the door for Cassidy who wobbled past him, groaning and whining with every step. It almost looked comical but Jesse didn't feel like laughing. He sighed and waited for Tulip to walk past him. He gently put his hand onto her shoulder and stopped her.

She raised her eyebrows and looked up to him, her face passive.

“What?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest defensively, “if this is about Cassidy, he had i---.”

 

“Are you okay?”, Jesse asked. His face was soft and worry was written all over it. He knew her too well. Her walls crumbled as if someone had pulled a lever. Different emotions flashed over her face until only pain and sadness were left. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. Seeing her like that broke his heart all over again. Suddenly they were both back, all those years ago when things had started to go downhill, when they had not only lost their child but also their freedom and happiness in a flash of a second. Her smile was wonky but honest, “No... not really.”

 

Slowly Jesse leaned towards her, wrapping his arms around her small frame and pulled her into his chest. He took care in giving her the chance to push him away or punch him. Whatever made her feel better. She let it happen, though and even leaned into his touch. He tightened his grip; the feeling of having to protect her growing stronger than ever in his chest even though he knew that he had failed at that once already and that Tulip could take care of herself. Jesse placed a soft kiss on top of her hair. 

 

“Ye know, I do support ye both with being all mushy and couply at any other time of the year. But I have something in me belly that was half as big yesterday. If this thing keeps growing like this, I might explode or it tries to pop out and we all know that anatomically I am missing a couple of important parts for that. So... COULD YE FUCKING HURRY?!” Cassidy shouted, impatiently hopping from one leg to the other next to the car.

 

They both chuckled and Jesse closed the door of the motel room behind them.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> prompt fill: Jessidy "I did a pregnancy test."
> 
> (I take prompts here or on jessecusterspetdog.tumblr.com)


End file.
